7 Situations Spun Positively Using PNoy’s “Traffic is a Sign of Booming Economy” Logic

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Did you bang your head on your steering wheel to keep yourself sane while stuck in the parking lot that is EDSA? Did you have to elbow and claw your way in the MRT because you’d rather inflict violence on your fellowmen than get stuck on the road? Have you run out of expletives to utter, saints to call on, and demons to sell your soul to, thanks to your everyday commute?

Not really a problem! Be thankful because the horrible traffic in the metro is a sign of an improving economy, as what our President would like us to believe. 

Come to think of it, a lot of situations we put up with and frown upon are not that bad. Consider: 

1. Fabella Hospital’s overcrowded maternity wards are not a problem: more babies prove Filipinos are very potent and fertile! (China, we’re ready for you.)
2. Rising cases of HIV/AIDS in the Philippines are not a cause of alarm! More people having sex = happier Filipinos. 
3. More Filipino families growing hungry in the country? That means the poor are not yet dead! Awesome. 
4. That time when people ignored a government scientist’s Typhoon Pablo updates over Mario Maurer’s “Good afternoon po” tweet? It just means that Filipinos value the importance of international relations–all well and good! The biggest calamity is always being inhospitable.
5.  12 million Filipinos are unemployed? No need for them anyway! It’s time to cull the herd; or
6. Unemployment figures going up? Perfect–more people who will settle for jobs outside their skill set. Bring in the factories! Take away jobs from China!
7. The Philippines is the third most vulnerable country to the effects of climate change? Better chances of becoming US citizens! Environmental immigrants FTW.

Cheer up, people! There’s always a bright side!

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